BPD Memoir

I set aside the book in the previous post and fully tackled "Get me out of here; my recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder" by Rachel Reiland. (Click to view description)

Her writing style and honestly gives you an inside look at her struggle with a mental illness. She reveals just what is going on in her mind during the many defensive episodes such as splitting, black and white thinking and projection. She explains her trials and tribulations in and out of the hospital, and intensive therapy with an amazing psychiatrist that takes her through four years.

This book is great for non-BP's to get a better sense of one person's internal struggle, but it's also great for the BP to willingly read to understand that they are not alone and are not a lost cause. Recovery from BP is possible, but like any recovery it takes intense honesty, rigirous work and a strong commintment to healing.

The book also has a great section of resources in the back for Bp's and non-BP's.


Now, back to Stop Walking on Eggshells....

Next Phase - Stop Walking on Eggshells

Now that we have gone through defining this disease, spent time looking into the many variations of symptoms and initial website info available, hopefully we have come to some level of understanding. We need to look at BD (Borderline Disorder) as we would any other organ disease someone could have. However, by now we should also fully understand that convincing the BP in our life of anything is NOT the goal here.


Now that we have begun to see this illness for what it actually is; something we cannot change, then we must realize the changes we can control, ourselves. These changes may not be easy and like most things will require practice. It is important to understand that outward situations and experiences with our BP will go unchanged if our actions/reactions remain the same.

Today, I went to the bookstore to pick up the books I plan to begin my research with (since our library didn't carry most and one was reserved till who knows when). I was blessed by using points on my old credit card to get a B&N gift card and a very supportive wife to cover the difference - thanks!
I am beginning with Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking your life back when someone you care about has Borderline Personality Disorder and the accompanying workbook written by Randi Kreger and Paul T. Mason, M.S. The first was published in '98 and the workbook followed in '02. Randi Kreger, in her mission to provide education and emotional relief for "Non-BP's" has released a new expanded book that I will read next.

As I go through, I will blog the fitting information and practical strategies that are shared in these books. If you'd like to follow along, check them out at your library, if they are available, or if you can pick them up at a local bookstore (you may even find them used).

Denial
A high functioning BP's denial of their disease can be easily compared to denial of an untreated alcoholic.

The authors explain that we will need to engage ourselves on three different levels to get the most from the information presented. Using the metaphor of being in the Land of Oz, these levels describe three journeys or personal tracks people can take, each with differing hardships and reach a somewhat different destination. The amount of energy and emotion one puts into their journey will effect where they end up.

The Intellectual Track
This trip is not too taxing and compares to being on a comfortable train ride out of Emerald city. You understand the theories about BPD but do not allow yourself to feel the feeling that may have been buried for years. Rather than truly experiencing the journey you gaze out the window at the scenery behind the glass.

The Emotional Track
These travelers carry heavy suitcases full of guilt, sorrow, fear, denial,and other mixed emotions. When the train stops they venture out to breath in the air in this new cleaner environment. They clarify their feelings about their situation as well as understand it intellectually. Here they can see in the distance the final destination - a place they can detach from other people's problems, yet still care about them. This takes time to adjust to and truly feel the changes, which is not always easy so you need to be kind and allow yourself to make mistakes.

The Personal Change Track
This is for those ready to not only do the action steps, but also to work hard at their new understanding and the way they feel and interact with the BP. For example, it is one thing to understand that the BP's problems do not have to be a crisis for you. But it is more difficult to actually detach from the BP's problems and help the BP gain confidence so that she can solve some of her problems on her own.
Change is painful, you may feel uncertain because it is unfamiliar, but your hard work will be rewarded. You will not have days filled with chaos, or a useless obsession to try to change someone else, instead you will no longer react- you will find a place to act in your own best interest choosing your destiny.
Do not expect perfection and allow yourself room for error. The train may travel slowly, but you can make it!


The only way to change the behavior and not so fun experiences with your BP is to change yourself.

It doesn't matter which track you choose as long as you are aware of them. When you are ready for change you will know and then you can make a change.


I should also point out that this information is for "Non-BP's" who care about a BP that is not in a recovery/treatment plan with a specialist on BPD, or they don't believe they have an illness, or even if you just suspect BPD.




Readers:
Please leave your comments, helpful statements or any questions that may arise at the bottom of the post - you can remain anonymous, but please use the same fictitious name and conceal identities of others. Also, if you'd like me to elaborate on any portion, please let me know by leaving your comments.
Help me make this blog as informative as I can- plus a blogger Loves knowing your thoughts through comments!

Empathy Defined

What is Empathy?

The origin of the word empathy dates back to the 1880s, when German psychologist Theodore Lipps coined the term "einfuhlung" (literally, "in-feeling") to describe the emotional appreciation of another's feelings. Empathy has further been described as the process of understanding a person's subjective experience by vicariously sharing that experience while maintaining an observant stance. Empathy is a balanced curiosity leading to a deeper understanding of another human being; stated another way, empathy is the capacity to understand another person's experience from within that person's frame of reference.

Even more simply stated, empathy is the ability to "put oneself in another's shoes." In an essay entitled "Some Thoughts on Empathy," Columbia University psychiatrist Alberta Szalita stated, "I view empathy as one of the important mechanisms through which we bridge the gap between experience and thought." A few sentences earlier in her essay, she had emphasized that ... "Empathy is consideration of another person's feelings and readiness to respond to his [or her] needs without making his [or her] burden one's own."


Statements that facilitate empathy have been categorized as queries, clarifications, and responses. Examples of each are as follows:

* Queries
"Can you tell me more about that?"
"What has this been like for you?"
"How has all of this made you feel?"

* Clarifications
"Let me see if I've gotten this right ..."
"Tell me more about ..."
"I want to make sure I understand what you've said ..."

* Responses
"Sounds like you are ..."
"I imagine that must be ..."
"I can understand that must make you feel ..."


Examples of empathic statements
from the National Mental Health Information Center

* “How difficult!” or “How painful!” or “How irritating” or “How wonderful!”
* “What a disappointment to lose that job after working so hard to get it.”
* “What a mess! How confusing to expect to do one job and to come in and be assigned a different task!”
* “Lord knows you’ve put up with a lot!”


Helping consumers [BP} in their effort to take personal responsibility for life choices

You can help consumers [BP] in their effort to take personal responsibility for life choices by:

1. ... Use of open-ended questions
2. Respecting expressed preferences
3. Avoiding giving excessive advice

Using open-ended questions Open-ended questions

Open-ended questions refer to questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or a “no.” When interviewing consumers, asking open-ended questions often yields much more useful information than asking closed-ended questions that can be answered yes/no. Open-ended questions are very useful for learning more about consumers, including their job preferences, work history, perceived difficulties on the job, and desire for support.

Examples of open-ended questions

* “I’d like to hear about the kinds of jobs you’ve worked in the past.”
* “What sort of things do you enjoy doing?”
* “When you think of the kinds of work you’d like to do, what types of work do you find most interesting and would most prefer?”
* “What types of problems have you been encountering on your job?”

Examples of avoiding giving excessive advice

Examples of ways to keep focused when asked to give advice

* “I agree that that is a tough decision you are facing. I am not sure what I would do it I were you. What are you considering?”

* “Sounds like a very difficult situation. I’d hate to make it worse by offering you advise that might not be consistent with what you really want. Let’s put our heads together and try to sort it out.”

* “ How confusing! Let’s list out the pros and cons of this decision to get a clearer idea of what you want to do.”

Complications

Borderline personality disorder can damage many areas of life. Interpersonal relationships, jobs, school, social activities and self-image all can be negatively affected. Repeated job losses and broken marriages are common. Self-injury, such as cutting or burning, can result in scarring and frequent hospitalizations. Suicide rates among people with BPD are very high, reaching 10 percent to 15 percent.

In addition, other mental health problems may accompany, including:

* Depression
* Substance abuse
* Anxiety disorders
* Eating disorders
* Bipolar disorder
* Passive aggressive disorder
* Other personality disorders