BPD Insights

Fact:
The American psychiatric association lists 257 different manifestations of BPD.

Fact:
BP's can be highly functioning in the work portion of life and struggle greatly in the home life, symptoms only being recognized by family and close long-term friendships.

Many times in a relationship, a BP will recreate themselves to become what they believe the other person would consider lovable. When the negative effects of this backfire, they lash out at the other person for "making them do it", rather than face their own fears of rejection/inadequacy. What they end up doing is creating the scene they fear most and then replaying it over and over again.

Usually what is going on in the BP's mind is completely different than their actions. For them the feelings run so deep and are often too difficult to express. Here are some examples I found on Facing the Facts:


If others really get to know me, they will find me rejectable and will not be able to love me; and they will leave me;

I need to have complete control of my feelings otherwise things go completely wrong;

I have to adapt my needs to other people's wishes, otherwise they will leave me or attack me;

I am an evil person and I need to be punished for it;

Other people are evil and abuse you;

If someone fails to keep a promise, that person can no longer be trusted;

If I trust someone, I run a great risk of getting hurt or disappointed;

If you comply with someone's request, you run the risk of losing yourself;

If you refuse someone's request, you run the risk of losing that person;

I will always be alone;

I can't manage by myself, I need someone I can fall back on;

There is no one who really cares about me, who will be available to help me, and whom I can fall back on;

I don't really know what I want;

I will never get what I want;

I'm powerless and vulnerable and I can't protect myself;

I have no control of myself;

I can't discipline myself;

My feelings and opinions are unfounded;

Other people are not willing or helpful.


To the family members, BPD behavior is often very frustrating can feel unfair and punitive - something like this:

You have been viewed as overly good and then overly bad;

You have been the focus of unprovoked anger or hurtful actions, alternating with periods when the family member acts perfectly normal and very loving;

Things that you have said or done have been twisted and used against you;

You are accused of things you never did or said?

You often find yourself defending and justifying your intentions;

You find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you are not heard;

You feel manipulated, controlled, and sometimes lied to.


~My sister has always had a strange love/hate relationship with me. One minute I am shocked to find during an odd introduction that she has been telling her newest set of companions how much she"adores" me, and then at the drop of a hat; all the chaos in her life is somehow my fault and her anger is directed at me.
I remember once in a family therapy session she was telling the therapist how I had messed up her life by forcing her to live with our father. I was maybe 9 years old at the time this distorted memory had occurred.
Looking back, I can see now that trying to convince her of reality was not the most helpful move - of course none of us, not even the therapist was aware of this crucial point!